The first blog post

I have been reading science blogs since grad school and found them to be so helpful. They helped me to realize that others are having the same experiences as I am. They also kept me motivated. I especially appreciated the perspective of women in science.

I was talking to a senior Postdoc in the lab next to me the other day. She found out recently that she acquired her K99/R00 award and I was asking her about when she was going to apply for jobs. We didn't have much time to talk, maybe 5 minutes. But in that 5 minutes, she managed to tell me that she is concerned about being a good mother to her 2 young girls and needs to weigh that over what type of job she will be applying for. Her husband's job requires a lot of travel. So who is going to be there for her girls? I asked her if there was anyone she could speak to about this dilemma she was having. She whispered in my ear "the academics act as if they are sympathetic to this type of situation, but they aren't, at least not the ones in our department". It made me sad to hear that, but I knew she was right. It made me think about what I was going to do eventually.

I am single. As single as can be! A 29 year old woman who fell into the trap time and time again of putting my work before a social life. Getting easily burnt out and, at times, becoming almost zombie-like. Going through the motions. I defended my dissertation last May (May 2009) and didn't have a job lined up after wards. I had 3 job offers all over the country. I didn't care. I wanted to move back across the country to my home state of California and look for a job there. My adviser told me I was crazy, that a "bird in the hand is worth more than two in the bush". I assured him I would be fine. As soon I got back, I didn't look for a job. I relaxed for a full month. I realize I was lucky to have this luxury, but I saved money in grad school, and it was a gift to myself. I found 3 prospective Postdoc jobs. I emailed them, told them I was local, and that I would like to schedule an informal meeting to ask them about their lab and their research. They all bit. One was particularly good about getting back to me, he emailed me back from a conference. We all know how tough that can be! But he was also a brand new faculty, had just started up the lab in January of '09. So I thought he was probably itching for a Postdoc.

I met with him first. He was enthusiastic (not at all jaded like the more seasoned Profs), he explained his research very simply, he was a little awkward and seemed a little nervous. After our meeting, he asked me to take time to think about whether I wanted to go through a more formal interview process. And to let him know. He would also let me know what he felt. He e-mailed me that night. The rest is pretty much history, but I got a good feeling from the initial 5 minutes of speaking with him and pretty much 'knew' I was going to join his lab. I knew that at least I was going to be put on an NIH training grant for the first year and he could guarantee me funding for another year after that. I didn't care, for some reason I believed in the guy and in myself, so I knew I would be fine. But I did meet with a few other profs just in case I liked them better. I was very clear with him that I did not want to start until September, I realize now that I was being a little bold. But I had plans! I wanted to travel for a month before settling down so to speak. As soon as I got into the lab, I started reading, and reading, and reading some more. He gave me free reign to think of interesting questions to answer and experiments to perform. Did I mention I completely changed fields? Yeah did.

Then I got the bombshell. I was going to write an NRSA to submit for the December deadline. What? Okay...I guess since I was reading so much and thinking about experiments anyway, that I might as well write a grant! A grant? I had never written one before, but I figured I was smart enough to do it. He and I brainstormed every week off of a list of questions and hypotheses I had, which then morphed into about 10 good experiments. From these experiments, I chose 6 to include in the NRSA.

Last weekend, I got my NRSA score back. An impact of 26 and a percentile of 19. WTF does that mean? I didn't know so I called my adviser. He was pleased and said, if anything, we will only have to make minor revisions and re-submit the next go-round. He asks around to other Postdocs about the recent paylines from our agency, they mentioned the project payline, 24%. I was in shock. I emailed the PO right away. She confirmed I was within the payline but that she could not guarantee me anything and that the final funding decision was to be made this June.

I think I just got an NRSA! Then I realized what a sick thing this is...in a bad way. I am happy because I know for the next 2.5 years, I will be getting paid crap. Something doesn't seem right about this. But here goes.