Yes.
When you have a fucking graduate student who is in love with you on one side, and a lazy technician asking you ten times why it matters that you design your primers so that you are in 2 different exons....you end up wanting to claw your eyes out!
The graduate student. He looks at me with these annoying puppy dog eyes. Maybe someone once told him it was cute.
Grad student: "Do you want to go to the zoo with me on Saturday, I have a free ticket?"
Me: "No thanks, I have a year pass."
Grad student: "Well, do you want to go with me?"
Me: "Alone? No."
Grad student: "Ouch."
Me: ::uncontrollable laughter::
5 minutes later....
Grad student: "Are you sure you don't want to hang out this weekend?"
Me: "Yes."
Grad student: "Why not?"
Me: ::crickets::
Well, I know that was mean of me. But I don't really know how to deal with him. He insists all the time that I do 'stuff' with him. He wants to hang out. He wants to go for drinks. He wants to talk about life. If I say no, he asks, why.
Repeat. Rinse. Repeat. Recycle. Re-use and Reduce while we are at it.
One time, I literally said there is no way I could hang out one Friday. He called me 5 times that night. 5 times. Who the fuck does that?!! Anyway, the other day I made him cry. But that's another story. So I tread lightly. But if people push me, I am just not a nice person. Not at all. And I am starting to break the fuck down.
I have had thoughts of quitting the lab due to a crappy tech who treats me like I am an idiot but who is the laziest person ever, and a sensitive 24 year old grad student who will not leave me the fuck alone. Dude, I am NOT that cool. Get over it! And I realize I am being unreasonable in many ways, but there is only so much a girl can deal with.
What the hell am I supposed to do? I have spoken to this grad student about the way I like to work, how personal and professional life do not mix well. Or, that there is a happy medium for how things should work. And he nods. And apparently, he also cries.
Ugh, help meeeeeeeeeeeeeee.......
P.S. Did I mention he throws things at me? In addition to foam brains, foam footballs, and wadded up kimwipes, one time he threw needles at me. The kind that go on syringes. They were uncapped and I lost my shit.
Sustainable tourism definition
7 years ago
Ummm...needles? You could get him in serious trouble for that if you felt it necessary?! That is NOT cool and I hope he apologized. Sounds like you have to have a less general conversation with him: I am not interested in anything other than being coworkers with YOU. Good luck. Don't quit. ;-)
ReplyDeleteHe did apologize. But only after 3 people (another post-doc, undergrad, and tech) told him I was really very pissed. I think the fact that I flipped out on him, made him think I was joking. I soooo was not.
ReplyDeleteAnd very soon, I will have to have a conversation like that with him. I am feeling like the shit will hit the fan soon, especially if I make him cry again, then I will have to tell him those exact words you have written out here. Otherwise, I really don't know what to do!
It is not your responsibility to watch out for his feelings. What he is doing is harassment and it is dangerous. If I were you, I would document *every* unpleasant interaction with the twit. Tell him explicitly that since you have made your desires (or rather, lack of in this case) quite clear and that he persists in this behavior that it *is* harassment. Let him know that you are documenting his harassing behavior and that you take it through the proper channels if he doesn't cut it out.
ReplyDelete(Obviously, if you think that this will escalate dangerous behavior then leave him out of the loop and take it straight to your supervisor or HR.)
I am so sorry that you are dealing with a hostile work environment. Bastards.
AA, thanks for your comment. It has certainly crossed my mind that this is harassment. I think that he has some emotional/psychological issues. So I definitely will not keep him in the loop that I am documenting these interactions. But I think you are right that I should do that. I have a feeling something is brewing with this guy. And there is really only so much I can put up with. Luckily, the grad student is only in the lab half time, he also has another adviser. So, that is the bright side. Anyway, I think I will no longer hang out with him, even in groups! I am just done.
ReplyDeleteGiven that your advisor also agrees what a lazy ass your tech is, I don't think you should quit.
ReplyDeleteI think the best way to make such people work is for your advisor to establish a schedule for her, like 'clean and autoclave dishes every tue' or something like that for each one of her lab jobs.
Hi Venkat. Thanks for the comment. So yes, he has her on somewhat of a schedule and he has also stepped up to be a little bit more clear about his expectations. She is very clueless though, and incredibly stubborn. So, I don't know how long it's going to last like this. I won't quit, but sometimes it feels easier than dealing with her, or with that grad student. Yuck. Hopefully, this will all pass soon.
ReplyDelete